Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Happy Christmas to you all!
CHRISTMASTIME FOR SKELETONS (plus REVIEW OF 2009)
Your Christmas poem this year doesn't come from that collection, but in fact for the one after that which I can reveal is probably going to be called either VAMPIRE COWS SONGS or THE VAMPIRE COWS OF SCUNTHORPE AND OTHER POEMS... I have 14 poems already written for that collection, including one that I unearthed from 1989 - however I doubt the book will be ready until late 2011 as I have YETI HUGS to launch first. I'm pretty pleased with the new book - not just because of the poems - but also because it contains 9 short horror stories which I really enjoyed writing this year.
Anyway - this festive poem is called SANTAS DON'T TEXT - it was originally called AN INVASION OF SANTAS and is based on something that I saw at London Bridge Station on Sunday 19th December 2010. It's a little bit silly; but I hope you enjoy it. As mentioned I should be returning with my review of the year in the next few days; by which time the 2nd episode of the new SHY YETI ON LOCATION video might be up and ready.
Thanks to everyone for their support this year - bestest furriest Christmas wishes to you all!
SANTAS DON’T TEXT…
Today I saw what can only be described as “an invasion of Santas…”
There must have been, at least, 20 of them…
I was at London Bridge Station when I first saw them –
They came off the tube carriage in front of me down in the Underground;
Looking a little drunk if truth be told!
It was only a week before Christmas too and it did make me wonder –
How on earth they’d find the time to go out for a tipple at such a busy time of year…
They were still just ahead of me as we rode the escalator –
People were taking photos and calling out silly comments;
“Where's your sleigh, boys? You lost it?”
“Rudolph got stuck in a snow drift, lads?”
“Hey fellas! Show us your jingle bells…”
Personally, I didn't have the patience for photos or witticisms;
I was still trying to work out which one of them was actually Santa…
I presumed he was amongst them somewhere - but I couldn't see him.
Hopefully he knew what he was doing - letting them all go out like that;
Hopefully he'd keep an eye on them and not let stuff get out of hand!
I was puzzled as to whether the others were just his younger brothers or some such…
Because I’d never actually heard that Santa had a brother - let alone so many of them!
It was kind of sweet; they looked almost identical with those big white beards…
Although when we reached the ticket barriers I looked really closely –
And it was only at this stage that I began to notice something…
Forgive me if this sounds silly, but their beards looked kind of – stuck on…
And underneath those beards they all looked so young - almost like students.
The point when I really lost faith was when I saw that one of them had a nose ring –
Not just that but a mermaid tattoo; and he was texting – I mean, Santas don’t text!
I also noticed that some of them were wearing jeans under their baggy red trousers –
Well, what can I say; after that I really found it hard to believe in them…
I just hope they don't mess up on the big day –
Or else a lot of small children are going to be VERY disappointed...
SANTAS DON'T TEXT is Copyright Paul Chandler 2010. His new book YETI HUGS AND OTHER HORRORS a collection of poetry, prose and short stories is due out from Beeches Books via www.lulu.com in February 2011.