Saturday, October 19, 2002


I am finally getting to work on collecting together poems for THIRD TIME LUCKY - which could well be available sometime early November. I have also written a few new poems which I may write more about next week. I have also been including some of my work on where one of the main characters (named Lavinia Crump) is a poet. So I'm using my own poems to back-up her character in the story. One of these poems; PARK BENCHES is a new one which will appear in THIRD TIME LUCKY.
Enjoy! Paul x

Tuesday, September 10, 2002



Just to let you know...


However, some of these news poems are being previewed in the latest ONGOING SAGA story which can be read at WWW.ONGOINGSAGA2.BLOGSPOT.COM

Stay tuned!

Best wishes,


Tuesday, June 25, 2002


JUNK/FOOD - £1.99 (WINTER 2001)

Comprising poems old and new : 1992-2001.


A completely original set of poems 2001/02





Tuesday, June 18, 2002


Just to let you know that there has been an exciting change with the next volume of poems... It may delay the release by a month or so - but all I can say at this point is that it's going to be MORE THAN JUST A BOOK OF POEMS... It's also going to have a story to it... Hopefully.

If you'd like to check out some other writing that I've been doing check out the following site :

If you'd like to join in and write an episode - let me know... As ever PCBEECHES@HOTMAIL.COM


Thursday, June 13, 2002

Hello! It's ten years in September since my team of mad actors began filming Sutton Park with me and the third volume of poems THIRD TIME LUCKY contains at least a couple of pieces inspired by our video series. (Which ran regularly from 1992-2000 for over 3000 episodes and is now winding itself down to closure.) If you don't know what "Sutton Park" is then I shall explain another time. The following poem is based on a catchphrase that my good friend Mr Nick Goodman came up with whilst filming - it is called ANOTHER PATHETIC ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT and relates to episodes where his character nearly got assassinated in lots of strange and peculiar ways... The other poem inspired by the series is called THE PARK and is slightly darker - this one is another silly little ditty... :)


If no success -
At first they say!
Knock 'em off -
Another day!

The slightest push…
A nudge or shove…
A feather dropped -
From high above…

A falling leaf -
Banana Skin…
Fiendish plotting -
Evil grin!

A Secret Smile -
Way cunning plans -
Panto villains -
Flinging flans!

Lacklustre words -
Not filled with bile -
A nemesis -
Who's only "vile"…

Oh, please try harder -
Vent your spleen!
Dirty habits -
Way too clean…

Sights lined up -
Full of contempt!
Another pathetic -
Botched attempt!

Laid up in bed -
And worse for wear!
Singe-d moustache -
And vacant stare!

One more try -
Then light the fuse!
Blow yourself up!
Means -
You lose.

Time-bomb conker!
Mousetrap gone!
Failed assassin!
Means -

Tuesday, June 11, 2002

Apologies for not writing much or keeping you updated since my return - but I have good news! My third volume of poems (the last until at least late in the year) is almost ready for release. It's going to be called THIRD TIME LUCKY and features 50 new compositions. These will include a number of the ones available on the site so far. THIRD TIME LUCKY should be ready by late July 2002, maybe before and will cost exactly 250 pennies... (That's £2.50 to you nice people...) Most of the poems on this site are silly ones but the one below is a little different (in fact all three volumes are about 50:50 funny:serious verse anyway. The one included below is called OWN GOAL? and it's about football widows - so it's kinda topical now... I hope you find it worth reading... Paul x


He's gone…
Taking the children…
Leaving the house silent…
Off to the Rec again.
Last Match of the Season.
Been a good one for them all…
She sits alone in the front room…
Waving vaguely from behind the net curtains…
Receiving only the clang of the garden gate…
But receiving it gratefully.
She turns away…
Gazing coldly at the housework left to her…
The upturned toys…
Dusty book shelves…
Dirty plates and un-hoovered hallways…
They can wait.
She lights a cigarette…
Loosens her hair from constraint…
Lets it caress her face defiantly…
Mother knows best.
She picks up her mobile…
Engages the directory…
Calls the number…
Smiling at the voice in reply…
The meeting's still on.
Football widows.
Football widowers.
With nothing -
And nobody -
Better to do.
Something has been arranged.
She's playing away from home today.
One for sadness -
Two is hearty!
Three's a crowd.
But four's a PARTY!
Putting away the phone.
Her mind is reeling with the anticipation.
Another challenge mounted.
An Off-side crowd-pleaser.
No penalty - no Foul play!
Nobody to tell her what to do…
She makes ready.
Shrugging on her coat inside-out…
Too excited to notice…
Grabs her bag -
As she applies a spot of lippy -
Smiling at herself in the hall mirror…
She'll do.
Kickoff - 3:30…
Own goal?

Friday, June 07, 2002

Dear oh dear! Apologies for not updating you! Things have been rather hectic - but I'm back from the world tour now... More of which later I'm sure...

As a sample of what Italy inspired in me - please feel free to enjoy the following...


Oh Florence! Oh Flo!
Now's come time to go…
But I just cannot bear soon to leave thee!
Your Café's - your Streets!
Miscellaneous meats!
My love for you -
Never will leave me!

Oh Florence! Oh Florry!
A love greater than Corrie!
And more than Eastenders or Dallas!
Your Bridges - your Domes…
And Old Stately Homes…
Street-singers with voices like Callas!

Oh Florence - Florana!
Our love's a nirvana!
Come home with me - let's be at one!
Come live in my flat!
With Derek - my cat!
Together our love shall grow on!

Oh Florence! Oh Flor!
True love can't ignore!
You send me! It's hard to behave, kid!
Want you all - every alley!
And be extremely pally -
With even your statue of Dave-id!

So, come with me Florence!
Our farewell's an abhorrence!
Yes, come with me - bring all your peoples!
I'll look after you well!
Keep you clean - fresh of smell!
And make passionate lust with your steeples!

Yes Florence! Dear Flo!
Now I really must go!
I hope you'll soon travel to reach me!
I dream of your Squares!
With such beauty! (Like Cher's!!)
I'm a novice in love - come and teach me!!!

Hope you enjoyed that!

Me x

Friday, May 24, 2002

Hello folk! Well - the Italian leg of my world tour is about to drop off and I shall be moving on to my next location! Sunny Stratford on Avon! We have toured Florence, Siena, San Giminano, Lucca, Pisa and lots of terribly trendy places like that... I cannot wait to tell you all about it... But I will... More soon!

Friday, May 17, 2002

Before I go... As promised yesterday - a tale of REINCARNATION...
See you soon!


From life to life…
She's been and gone…
From Joan Of Arc -
To Little John!
She once was Bach!
She once was Keats!
The man behind -
Re-clining seats!
She's been a Pope!
She's been a Squaddy!
A member of -
From Lady Jane -
To Henry Tudor!
Important mould -
That's grown on Gouda!
The apple shot -
By William Tell…
Inventor of -
Blue Minty Gel!
The very first -
Egg ever fried!
Bath water when -
"Eureka!" cried!
Took Nobel Prize!
Crowned Spanish King!
Taught the Beatles -
How to sing!
But now - you see,
She's only her -
Not the force -
That once she were…
No more a Royal -
Nor poet, Auden -
Just plain old Maggie -
Traffic Warden… :)

Thursday, May 16, 2002

Hello... The countdown to the world tour - errr - counts down... Only two days to go! Have just written a fab poem about reincarnation... I'll post it later - must dash - lunch with Fatima beckons! HURRAH! ;)

Tuesday, May 14, 2002

Terribly sorry chaps and chappesses - been terribly busy sprucing meself up for the World Tour! I never realised quite how much work it would entail. It's been absolutely hectic - but... I have found time to write you something nice before I go... Have a read and I'll say toodle pip for now...


Things ain't what they used to be…
Nothing outlives change…
The shifting sands of time move on…
Drifting out of range…

There are no meringue birds,
In the old meringue trees…
Someone stole their nests…
As a witty student wheeze!

No Billy goats across the bridge,
Or evil troll beneath…
No toad residing in it's hole…
Or Wombles on the heath…

Things ain't what they used to be…
Nothing's built to last…
The quality has fallen -
All the great's have been recast…

E.T. no longer calls his Mam,
Daleks growing slow…
They prefer to just play Scrabble…
In a cosy bungalow…

The Rolling Stones no longer roll…
The Beatles busk in malls…
Bill and Ben no longer buddies,
The Friends no longer pals…

Things ain't what they used to be…
Now everyone's a "Star…"
"Classic's" two-a-penny…
Manufactured by the jar…

Alice fled her Wonderland…
The Thunderbirds have flown…
Harry Potter's lost his magic…
Jack's poor beanstalk overgrown!
The Famous Five are down to four…
The Secret Seven split…
Lassie's feeling selfish -
Even Postman Pat has quit!

Things ain't what they used to be…
Nothing's what it was…
Why can't it be like that again?

Thursday, May 09, 2002

Fatima has sent me some predictions for the month to come...

Monday - I will go to the Supermarket...
Tuesday - Dentist appointment...
Wednesday - Over 80's Jitterbug Championships...

Hmm - not sure that's quite what we were expecting...

Wednesday, May 08, 2002

Well now! Back to normality at last... Had quite a few hectic appointments to keep which was not helped by aforementioned Beatles fans! Hung out at The Windmill on Friday night with a particularly handsome gentleman called called Andrew from television before ending the evening falling over in a particularly trendy little Bistro on top of the cast of a leading cult Sci-fi drama. Met my 2nd Mother and 2nd Father for dinner saturday and had a picnic with my Accountant Mr Fulton on Sunday. Discussions yesterday about writing for the Radio - we'll just have to see if there's time for it all!

Fatima called me up this morning with words of wisdom : "Infatuation is like an over-ripe banana... No-body wants to know and at best you'll end up as compost..." Thanks for that one Fatima dear!

Another poem - this one from my first collection : JUNK FOOD - available from this address for a paltry £1.99...

Must off and pack now - only 10 days til my world tour begins - in Italy! Fantastic! (Please note - World Tour dates to follow at end of this entry...)

This poem reminds me of my recent encounters with The Beatles Fans...

DISCO '92.

I once went down a disco,
However when I did go,
I must make a confession,
It came quite an obsession!!
The lights do flash, the music blares,
And I went down there wearing flares!!
I danced!
They pranced!
Looking false - I did the waltz!
They threw at me some rotten eggs,
Then what they did - THEY BROKE MY LEGS!
My young bod-y was full of pain,
They broke me in so many ways -


18th-24th May : Florence
25th - 26th May : Byfleet and New Haw
27th May : Winchester
28th May - 4th June : Stratford on Avon


Monday, May 06, 2002

Still on the run people - it's all so terribly exciting...

Sunday, May 05, 2002

Awww - special people! Hello! :) Gotta be quick here - am being pursued by 100 screaming Beatles fans who have mistaken me for a 1965 version of Ringo Starr! Golly - my life is just full of excitement... Gotta go - they're trying to molest my macaroons! Having a fab time - more very soon! Hope ur all well! Love - Da Poet

Friday, May 03, 2002

Lunch with Fatima was splendid! She has persuaded me to share Herbal Tea with you... Do you take sugar?
This really is an exclusive - I don't know what my publishers will say!


Herbal teabags -
Tasty brews…
She drinks them early -
Reads the news!
Sometimes bitter -
Hides the smell…
Earl Grey!
(Not Poison!!)
Just as well!
Pours another -
Fruity taste!
No need to sweeten -
What a waste!
Her neighbour kind -
At Christmas time…
Herbal tea-bags -
"Hint of Lime!"
Or so he said -
When sampled -
Old grass cuttings!

Hello! I've just heard from my dear 2nd-Father, Mr Andrex Trowby who I am meeting tomorrow. He wishes us well with this venture and I may ask for his advice in future. My dearest 2nd-Mother Lisandra Park is also joining us as we make a trip across London to visit some needy Science Fiction fans who are desparate for our attention. I do apologise if I don't get to make many entries over this forthcoming Bank Holiday - but I'm sure you will understand - and I promise to update you on events as soon as humanly possible! I have a picnic to go to on sunday at which I will be giving an exclusive reading of Herbal Tea and then a mysterious friend of mine is coming to visit on the Monday! It'll be ever-so-jolly! :)

Anyhew - I must off now - I have a luncheon appointment with my lovely and dear fortune-telling friend Ms Fatima in the luxurious haven that is Belgrave Square Gardens. Before I go - Fatima has a piece of advice for you all...


Wise words indeed!
You wonderful people!
Forgot to mention that I wrote a new poetic masterpiece on the Express Train to Guildford yesterday. It's called Herbal Tea - and I might share it with you later.
For now though - another recent and unpublished ditty - entitled :


They are terribly unprofessional -
These older acting types…
They call each other "LOVEY!",
And they're always smoking pipes!
Harping on 'bout Chaucer -
And someone called "THE BARD"!?!
"I can't abide the Sonnets -
His Iambic Meter jarred!"
I really cannot stand it -
When they gently pat my head -
"Are you doing OK sonny?"
Patronise me?
They say don't act with children -
With a beast daren't share the stage -
But t'is he lusting lead ladies -
Leery drunkard!
Six times my age!
So be it - moan about us!
But Child Actors do have rights!
We expect a proper dinner -
And refuse to dress in tights!
"Alas, alas poor Yorik!"
"What was my line again?!
These professionals are hopeless!
Fluffing speech - quite dead of brain!
Oh - they're such a band of ninnies!
Drama queens so O.T.T!
More wooden than the scene-ry,
But please don't go quoting me!
They have hissy fits and tantrums -
Storm out moody - cannot wait!
Think it's fine to sob in corners -
I cry too - but then - I'M EIGHT!!
"I'm finding this line tricky…"
I learnt my part unaided -
You guys "did time" at R.A.D.A.!
Well - hey - children rule the roost now -
So "get used"!
In neat queues totter…
And I'll see what I can do for you…
Good morning good people... I do hope you had a merry old evening. I was with "the wife" - the darling Josette in a theatre in Guildford purusing a play by the splendid Mr Alan Bennett. Play of note was called Single Spies and had the most wonderful Lisa Goddard and the truly exceptional Mr Robert Powell in the leading roles. As a result my darling Josette left the theatre speaking in an odd Russian dialect. I do hope she's okay - she's gone back to the boyfriend now and I don't expect to see her for several weeks.

Thursday, May 02, 2002

Here is a poem...

There was a young man from Nantucket,
Who kept his wife's head in a bucket...
It would bob up and down -
With never a frown...
And now and again he would duck it! :)

I think that's a lovely and moving effort...


More soon darlin's!

Da Poet
Well now - I think I should share a poem with the crowds out there...
I've already heard from one Ms Fatima the Fantabulous who purchased my first book of poems...
She writes as follows : "The quality of your poetry was very consistent throughout the volume... I didn't like it much..."
Well now - you can't please everyone!
Thanks for writing in Fatima.
Now where did I put those new ditties... I can't be doing without me ditties... :)
See ya's.

Da Poet.


This is fab... I wonder what happens if I tweak this bit! WAHEY!