Sunday, May 14, 2017

MORE ABOUT "YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS..."


...AND SOME MORE SUPER VENICE PHOTOS TOO!

Hello beasties!

It's been a while since we discussed this - but with the second seasons of both KENSINGTON GORE and HOT STUFF!! due out in the next month or so, this is the last time that'll I'll probably discuss the YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS project, as published at the end of February. In this post I aim to share with you one of my favourite scenes from the new script-book - this time not to much a scary scene, but actually one of the dafter ones.


Just to remind you, here are the details about this exciting new script-book...


Here is the back-cover blurb on the new book...

We join Horner, Warren, Katrina and Colin as they head to Italy on an all-expenses-paid trip to Venice! But there is trouble in store – murder, in fact! What can be done? Who is to blame? Who will be “got at” next? The Beast Crew try to help whilst trying to avoid getting “bumped off” themselves!

Paperback Edition: £8.99 / 192 pages

http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/yeti-dont-fall-backwards-a-beast-of-friends-special/paperback/product-23078113.html

Hardback Edition: £13.99 / 192 pages

http://www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/yeti-dont-fall-backwards-a-beast-of-friends-special/hardcover/product-23078067.html

At the end of this post you will find the first two scenes of the new script - last time, when the new book was published, I posted the first two scenes... You can still read those at the following link if you would like to:

http://thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2017_02_19_archive.html

As mentioned in brief at the start of this post, this time we have a scene from a little later in the story - set during a part of the story where a number of the team are being interrogated. I hope you enjoy it!


As you may have noticed by now - the new script-book is set in Venice - and so I also have a number of photos from my last trip there in November 2016!

But before we move onto those - here's a little bit about our most recent SHY LIFE PODCAST episodes...

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 76: PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS... OVERHEARD!!!


Here we are for episode SEVENTY SIX - where, whilst Mr Yeti shares some previously unheard conversations - Cromitty is busily playing a prank... Cromitty's prank involves recording private conversations in the podcast studio and  Yeti Uncle John, Bettina Du Pres, Charlie Grrr, Dameus Twinklehorn, Mr Yeti himself and also the aliens unwittingly release some red-hot gossip!! The previously unheard conversations are with Toppie Smellie, Nick Goodman and (briefly) Jay The Hauntcub - there are also poems! Our next episode, number 77 - sees Mr Yeti Catching Up with another esteemed member of the Pride48 community. It'll be out soon!! Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and I'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 76 was recorded on the 21st April 2017, with unheard conversations recorded between 28th October 2016 and 17th April 2017.

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

76: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-76-private-conversations-overheard

THE SHY LIFE PODCAST - 77: SHY YETI CATCHES UP!!


Here we are for episode SEVENTY SEVEN - where this time we are  catching up with Catching Up star Mike Lawson - over in San Francisco... We also hear from the regulars and Ikk The Alien reads the world a poem. Our next episode, number 78 involves a trip out to a slightly mysterious pub, where Mr Yeti meets a number of old friends and has a State Of The Podcast meeting with the regulars. Following that, episode 79 should be our next live show where we will be discussing the first year of the show. Do join us, won't you? Please email me at shyyeti@yahoo.co.uk if you have any comments - you can even send me a sound-file and we'll include it on the show. The music is by Shy Yeti and Luca. All content of this episode is Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017. Episode 77 was recorded on the 9th May 2017. 

This episode can be downloaded on iTunes, Acast, Podbean and also from Soundcloud at the following link:

77: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-77-shy-yeti-catches-up

Here are some of those photos from Venice that I mentioned at the start...





























Just writing these recent Venice has made me start thinking about when my next Venice trip should be; in fact I tweeted this earlier in the year when I was loading up more photos on Instagram.



Next time there will be more podcast news and quite possibly a new Shy Yeti script...

That's about it for now - except for the silly scene from the new script-book...

Bye for now - take care!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

EXTRACT FROM: YETI DON'T FALL BACKWARDS...

ACT 9: Somewhere deep inside the Police Station…

AT AROUND THE SAME TIME COLIN IS BEING FROG-MARCHED DOWN A CORRIDOR WHERE HE IS BROUGHT TO THE DOOR OF A LEAD-LINED ROOM WHERE IT IS INDICATED THAT HE SHOULD ENTER – THERE IS A FIGURE SITTING IN THE SHADOWS, A FACE THAT HE CAN’T MAKE OUT…

COLIN: (curious, slightly concerned)

Hello… What’s going on here then?

ANONYMOUS FIGURE: (kindly, slightly sinisterly)

Do come in, won’t you? There’s plenty of cake – enough for a week – maybe two!

COLIN: (unsure but tempted)

Well, I must admit that I am quite partial to cake – however…

SECOND VOICE: (slightly more friendly)

Come on, good fellow… Don’t tell me you’re really going to turn down cake – good cake too – it’s not the sort of cake that it is wise for one to refuse… (Colin turns, he recognises the voice to be Charlie’s) May I shed some light on the matter?

COLIN: (relieved)

Of course, feel free – please go ahead…

CHARLIE FLICKS A SWITCH AND THE ROOM BECOMES BRIGHTLY LIT – COLIN GLANCES AT THE SECOND FIGURE AND REALISES THAT IT IS, OF COURSE, SIMON… THERE IS NO SIGN OF THE POLICE AND CHARLIE IS CLOSING THE HEAVY DOOR BEHIND HIM – LOCKING THEM ALL IN…

(dismayed) Listen… What exactly is going on? No offense, Simon – but I’ve heard some upsetting rumours about you losing your marbles; so I’m not sure that I want to be stuck here with you and cake for company! Charlie clearly thinks otherwise!

CHARLIE: (enthusiastic)

Don’t worry – all shall be made clear pretty soon…

COLIN: (nervously)

Oh dear! Don’t tell me – you’re about to confess to the crimes!?

CHARLIE: (slightly taken-a-back)

Ah! No…

SIMON: (chipping in)

But I assure you that rumours of my madness have been deliberately exaggerated!

COLIN: (hopefully)

But the rumours of cake?

CHARLIE: (beaming)

These are all true… Do help yourself by the way! It’s good to share…

COLIN: (shocked, then apologetic)

“Good to share!” I never thought I’d hear that from your mouth… Sorry to be rude!

SIMON: (through gritted teeth)

No offense taken… Do please tuck in…

COLIN DOES JUST THAT – HE MARVELS AT THE RANGE OF CAKE ON OFFER TO THEM ON A TRESSEL TABLE AT THE FAR END OF THE ROOM… GINGERLY HE APPROACHES THE SELECTION, TAKES A CAKE AND HELPS HIMSELF TO SEVEN DANISH PASTRIES AND A PIECE OF APPLE PIE…

Good man! I like a wolf with a good appetite… There’s coffee too if you’d like; more than one variety too! We’re spoiling you, I know – but you’re worth it!

COLIN: (surprised by Simon’s jovial nature)

Err… Thanks… What’s up with you two today… Do you want something?

CHARLIE: (sounding innocent)

What DO you mean?! Maybe a little help – but nothing more…

COLIN: (suspicious, enlightened)

Oh, is that why you’re being nice!? Now it makes sense…

CHARLIE: (a little hurt)

I’m always nice, dear boy… Not that I like to broadcast such foul accusations; even though they’re true! It’s just that if rumours of my niceness get spread around then my reputation will never recover and we can’t be having that…

SIMON: (conspiratorially)

I’m nice too, but people leave you alone if you appear selfish, rude and thoughtless!

CHARLIE: (proudly)

I’m not really half as smelly in real life, either – come sniff me…

SIMON: (mouths)

I wouldn’t if I were you! (then aloud) You must be wondering why we’re suddenly acting so nicely? (Colin nods) It is a tad unusual, I admit… It’s the lead-lined room that is the biggest clue… Nobody can hear us, you see… Neither will they know if we choose to discuss the identity of the calzone killer… Yes, you did hear right!!

COLIN: (surprised)

Oh… Wow! Do you think you really know who he… she… is?

SIMON: (unusually solemn)

We’re not sure, actually – but it’s not one of Charlie’s publicity stunts I assure you!

CHARLIE: (vaguely embarrassed)

Although it did start off that way… Well, the party…

SIMON: (lowering his voice slightly)

He’s under new management and staging a giant New Year party in Venice and there being some exciting drama was what he was originally promised…

CHARLIE: (quick to explain)

Smoke and mirrors, yes – but not murder… Not anything that’d get anybody hurt!

COLIN: (nervously)

Well, presumably your management company didn’t actually go around killing people off just to drum up a little trade – that really would be going a step too far…

SIMON: (impressed)

No! But it was them who tipped off Giallo – the detective… He comes with a bit of a following – I believe that all the top killers dream of being hunted down by him…

CHARLIE: (chipping in excitedly)

He even has one of those Tweeter Pages online…

COLIN: (after a moment’s thought, confidently)

Listen, you want my opinion? We’re trying to confuse things too much again – it helps the actual killer if we tie ourselves in knots…

SIMON: (frustrated)

But we are ALREADY tied in knots… How do we get ourselves free again?

COLIN: (suddenly sounding very serious)

But these are knots that we have tied ourselves in – we can get ourselves out if we pay attention and reverse our actions… There isn’t an hour that goes by without somebody suggesting some new theory or the plot taking some new twist or other… We’ve lost track of the facts… All this business about your new year party turning into some kind of convention for serial killers all because Inspector Giallo was tipped off by your new management, Charlie – it’s nonsense…

CHARLIE: (trying not to sound too hurt)

It doesn’t sound nonsense to me – I think it seems quite likely…

COLIN: (sounding quite stern)

But where are the facts that the murders were done by different killers? We don’t have any ideas whatsoever about one murderer – let alone three!! We need to take time and think this through – not jump to too many wild assumptions…

SIMON: (lowering his voice slightly)

He has a good point, Charlie… There’s only been three deaths so far – not that we want more; but we’re lucky that it’s NOT been more….

COLIN: (chipping in)

Especially as there have been a fair few failed attempts…

CHARLIE: (sounding uncertain)

Yes… But all by the Calzone Killer…

SIMON: (trying to figure it out)

What if the “Calzone Killer” is just the cover for a number of killers? Either as a team, somehow – or without any planning or co-ordination… Who knows what his or her might be trying to achieve or what might be expecting to happen next…

COLIN: (musing matters over)

Or the distraction to disguise one particular murder that is yet to occur… Look, as grand as this theory about multiple killers may sound to an ego maniac like you, Charlie – I simply don’t think that it’s actually what happened in reality…

CHARLIE: (with faux disgust)

Simon! The wolf just called me an ego maniac…

SIMON: (laughing)

He’s very astute, isn’t he!?

CHARLIE: (chuckling)

He is… I always said that he was the brains behind that gang – that Horner fellow always acts like he’s the one in the know – but I always thought it was Colin…

SIMON: (dreamily)

I like Warren… He has a sort of innocent cuteness… I’m sure my mother would approve of him too and that’s always something you need to consider…

COLIN: (mutters)

Poor Katrina… She never gets picked at times like this… Listen, do you mind if I tuck in for another round of cakes – then we need to decide what we do next…

CHARLIE: (encouraging)

No… No… Help yourself…

COLIN DOES JUST THAT – TAKING HIS EMPTY PLATE BACK TO THE TABLE WITH ITS CAKE-BASED CONTENTS STILL PILED HIGH… HE BEGINS TO SELECT FROM A SELECTION OF DOUGHNUTS AND THEN CUTS HIMSELF A LARGE SLAB OF DELICIOUS CHRISTMAS CAKE… THEN HE PAUSES…

COLIN: (curious)

Look chaps… I don’t mean to be party pooper – but this is just meant to be a selection of cakes and pastries isn’t it? Nothing savoury…

SIMON: (brightly)

Sure… Just cakes… I put the order in myself…

CHARLIE: (beginning to look hungry again)

A good selection too – you’re to be congratulated…

COLIN: (nervously)

He is indeed – but if we take that into consideration then may I ask why on a table full of cakey goodness there is also a large dinner plate piled high with an Italian pizza… Not just any pizza either – those look suspiciously like calzone…

SIMON AND CHARLIE TURN TO LOOK AT THE TABLE TO SEE WHAT HE IS POINTING TO – FOR SUDDENLY THERE IS A PILE OF CALZONE SITTING THERE – OBVIOUSLY PIPING HOT AND QUITE RECENTLY DELIVERED…

CHARLIE: (outraged)

That’s IMPOSSIBLE… The way in here is locked – I know it is; they promised…

COLIN: (baffled)

Well, I never brought anything in – the guards brought me to you and I’d not seen any food for hours before I got in here with the cake because I’d been sitting out there in the waiting room whilst they decided what they wanted to do with me next!

SIMON: (not wishing to offend)

We weren’t saying you were the culprit – we’re just wondering how they got here?

CHARLIE: (with growing concern)

Is there a hole in the wall somewhere, perhaps? A trap door or secret entrance?

COLIN: (unhappily considering his suggestions)

Maybe somebody has been hiding underneath all the cake? It’s not very hygienic!

CHARLIE/SIMON: (jumping back in fear)

OH! OOOH! THEY MIGHT BLOW THEIR NOSE ON OUR PASTRIES!! OOH!!

COLIN: (intrigued)

Hey! Hey! I was joking about that last bit – how could anybody be hiding under the cake and yet the calzone still be piping hot? (Colin examines them and works out an answer) Look! That’s not steam… A least not heat… These calzone are frozen and are starting to melt due to the warmth of the room now that the door is closed!

CHARLIE: (alarmed)

Frozen calzone!? Is someone expecting us to bash each other’s heads in with them?

SIMON: (indignant)

I won’t do THAT! Well, not unless I’m having to protect myself from one of you!

COLIN: (attempting to call order)

Calm down… That’s exactly what they want us to do – panic… Start doubting one another until fisticuffs break out! Look here… I think this whole plate was surrounded by a lattice of ice – it wasn’t properly visible before here in the shadows and it’s only now that some of the cakes have been eaten and the doors have been closed that it’s begun to melt away… How ingenious!

CHARLIE: (sounding relieved)

So nobody has been in the room whilst we’ve been talking, Colin? (Colin nods and both Charlie and Simon sigh) One question… Is it still okay to eat the calzone?

SIMON: (nods his head, eager to learn)

That is a good question…

COLIN: (his mind buzzing)

Charlie! No, we can’t risk it… We need to finish our conversation – work out what we’re going to do and then I need to leave and find my friends; for all I know they could be in dire peril… (Charlie and Simon look upset) I know you find this whole matter quite confusing and that’s understandable – it’s very easy to get confused – to be unsure who to trust… You even end up doubting yourself sometimes – just don’t fall into that trap; be sure of what you do know and focus on that…

CHARLIE: (musing sadly)

Do you know what? It’s especially easy to get confused when you’re so hungry…

SIMON: (supportively)

That is probably what it is… You’re HUNGRY!

CHARLIE: (hopeful)

Do you think?

COLIN: (frustrated)

The room is FULL of cake, guys! You’ve both eaten plate after plate of them… Sometimes when you feel hungry it’s actually because you are thirsty…

CHARLIE/SIMON: (pretty much in unison)

Oh, no… We’re not thirsty…

COLIN: (sighing, sarcastically)

You surprise me!

CHARLIE: (chipping in)

Scientists have recently discovered that there are actually two forms of hunger…

SIMON: (adding helpfully)

In the same way that there are two key food groups – sweet and savoury…

CHARLIE: (attempting to explain)

EXACTLY… So you can be full to the brim with cake – the sweet…

SIMON: (adding his opinion)

But if you’ve not eaten any savoury then you can still potentially starve!!

COLIN: (laughing, slightly amazed)

Guys… You just made that up… If you want to eat the frozen calzone raw then just eat them – but woe betide you if they’re full of rat poison or glass…

CHARLIE: (mutters)

What’s his problem? Rat poison doesn’t hurt too badly does it, Simon?

SIMON: (muttering back)

I very much doubt it – unless you’re a rat, perhaps. My mother-in-law swears by it!

CHARLIE: (concerned)

Didn’t your mother-in-law die?

SIMON: (flippantly)

Eventually…

CHARLIE: (curious)

What of?

SIMON: (vaguely)

Mysterious circumstances the coroner said…

BACK AT THE HOTEL KATRINA AND HORNER VISIT WARREN IN HIS ROOM – THE DOCTOR HAS INSPECTED HIM AND GIVEN HIM THE ALL CLEAR!

HORNER: (apologetic)

Thank goodness you’re alright – Warren; I’m so sorry I didn’t get here quicker! At least you didn’t bang your head or swallow too much water! Lucky escape there!

WARREN: (clearly upset)

Lucky!? I really wouldn’t call what I just went through “lucky”, Horner… Didn’t you see? I was attacked… Attacked by somebody pretty much dressed up as me!

KATRINA: (calmly, but sympathetically)

Except you weren’t dressed as you; you were dressed as Var-ii in an attempt to scare someone into confessing to being the one who stuck her on top of a pizza! Whoever is responsible wasn’t happy that you were making fun of them…

HORNER: (frustrated)

So who was the other person dressing up like that and why? Do we know anything?

WARREN: (sounding weary)

My head aches far too much to think about any of this right now… Can’t you let me sleep and go bother Colin instead? Do you even know where he is? I’ve told you before – it’s never a good idea to let him off his leash in a strange city…

KATRINA: (disapproving)

Ooooh! Harsh! Inappropriate too… Presumably he’s still at the police station…

HORNER: (concerned)

Oh, blimey… He won’t be pleased – we really should have checked on him… We’ve been so distracted with all this… Perhaps we should call round there and see how he’s doing now? He might appreciate a bit of moral surpport…

KATRINA: (glancing at her watch)

Do we have time to do all this? Don’t we have somewhere that we ought to be?

WARREN: (unsure what is going on)

Gawd! What are you two planning? Is it dangerous? Please don’t wander off and get yourself bumped off because one of you getting killed would be one too many! I’m sorry – that sounds incredibly mushy of me; but you know I love you dearly!

KATRINA: (chuckling)

Aww… That’s terribly sweet, Warren… You are lovely… Sickly sweet, but lovely!

HORNER: (impatiently)

Mean! But there is somebody who we need to speak to – the one last person who we haven’t had a chance to catch up with yet… I think you know what I mean…

MEANWHILE, WARREN APPEARS TO HAVE DOZED OFF – HORNER SIGHS…

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2017.

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