Another part of this special weekend involved me posting Episode 4 (the 5th episode in all) of THE SHY LIFE PODCAST... You can find it on my SHY YETI account on Soundcloud or look for me on iTunes, I should be there too! Anyway... Here's some more information about the new episode; it's the second I've released this week - don't expect this kind of treatment every week, mind!
We're BACK! Already!! It's our longest one EVER!! This time we're having trouble with our guests - but Mr Yeti does try to explain his 90s movie making pursuits... Dameus is about to make a film - there is a poem about fish and chips, a discussion on vinyl - more library gossip, some messages and a doughnut... Thanks to Nick G, Mr Trowbridge and LSF for their contributions to this episode. We'll be back again later in the month... Please email me at email@example.com if you have any comments. This episode and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016. Aside from the clips, which were recorded in 1996 - episode 4 was recorded between the 17th May and the 10th June 2016.
Soundcloud link: https://soundcloud.com/shyyeti/the-shy-life-podcast-4-all-manner-of-new-voices
Moving onto this post's script, I will admit that I nicked the idea of a Cat Psychic from myself - having planned a sub-plot in a future season of HOT STUFF!! involving just such a character; but that season won't be out until about 2018, so I was keen to do something sooner for one of the Shy Yeti scripts... There's no harm taking an idea and using it in two different ways - I may even end up linking the two incidents as many characters cross over in my writing.
It may not be immediately obvious, but the script itself is inspired by podcasts - more so as a listener than as a podcast producer for our sketch features a fictional cameo by a real-life podcaster. That said it's not quite as simple as a meet and greet; as already mentioned Shy meets a Cat Psychic - but he actually turns out to be somebody quite different altogether... In the same way that there is a "real-life" Shy Yeti (ie; me) and a fictional Shy Yeti - the star-guest in this episode also exists in more than one reality... Our guest-star is Toppie Smellie, who has his own podcast and who recently interviewed me for his show... They'll be more about that interview here on www.shyyeti.com once it's posted.
Start with a personal journal podcast about a 50-something gay man, mix in some current events and add a healthy dose of some very odd fantasy elements and you have Toppie Smellie’s SMELLCAST! Toppie takes you with him as he tests the boundaries of the podcasting universe. Sometimes The Smellcast is merely mind numbingly mundane — but in a pleasant sort of way. Sometimes you will find it funny — in a sort of stupid, affected way. Other times you will discover within it real pathos, human drama, whimsy, surrealism, and occasionally utter nonsense.
THE SMELLCAST! Fun! Entertaining! Mysterious!
You can also learn more at: www.smellcast.wordpress.com/about
LOTSL (Life On The S*** List):
A revolving group of players, living the American dream but falling a bit short.
The story about how I come to be listening to so many U.S. podcasts is a simple one. It all began when I started listening to a slasher movie podcast that my friend Erik is part of...
THE HYSTERIA CONTINUES
SCREAMQUEENZ HORROR PODCAST
Along the way ScreamQueenz did an episode where Toppie featured - I'm not sure what he was talking about now, but Dark Shadows was mentioned and as I'm a fan of this cult show from the 60s and 70s I began to explore the other shows that he was involved in: THE SMELLCAST and LOTSL...
As time went on I began listening to a number of other shows until I now listen to quite a few and keep trying new ones as I come across them - most notably:
COCKTAILS AND CREAMPUFFS:
POD IS MY CO-PILOT:
These are more personal journal/comedy/LGBT themed podcasts - but over their many episodes they have covered all manner of topics. It's a little bit like super hero comics, I imagine... You begin reading one and then the one that you're reading crosses over with another one and then you find yourself reading that one too and then before you know it you're reading about twenty different comics... Well, as I began to say earlier, I have become like that with podcasts - I imagine many other listeners have done the same. It's probably just a coincidence that I happen to have connected with more shows overseas than in the UK. I've dipped into a number - but THE HYSTERIA CONTINUES remains the only one I've listened to from the very start and even they have two members of the show who are from the States! In this particular instance that show has introduced me to a whole new area of horror films that I had only just touched the surface of - the slasher film and the proto-slashers and giallo that may have inspired them. Readers here will know that I do like to write horror stories of a sort - and so all these films just help to get me in the mood!
Anyway, moving on... It's less than a month until my next Poetry Cafe show - which is going to be a pretty busy time for me. Not only do I have the show, but I will be returning to my home town and doing a number of interviews with friends down there. I also intend to release an episode of THE SHY LIFE PODCAST from the show itself and hope to interview poet John Smallshaw about what he's been writing and how we first met.
Next time I will probably have a new prose piece for you - and the following week we'll be back in Amsterdam, although only in fictional form! Still! It's worth going back for...
That's it for now - more soon!
STRANGER: (turning to his cat companion who is now sat before him on the hallway table)
If you'd be so kind to offer your paw... (Tolstoy does so) Thank you... Now let me see... Turn it so that I can see the pads... (Tolstoy does this too) Thank you... Ah yes! You have a very long purr-line here... And... What is that, actually? Is it a mole? Oh no, it's a piece of dried tuna... Let me just pick that off for you... These things can interfere with the reading...
Wouldn't it be awful if you predicted the wrong thing because of a bit of dry food getting in the way...
STRANGER: (beginning to lose his temper)
Well yes... Actually it would! A bit of dried tuna can obscure the purr-line... That could cut five years off this poor cat's life...
SHY: (correcting him)
I don't think it works that way - all it does is mean that your reading is incorrect...
STRANGER: (crisply, defensive)
Yes! Thank you, Tolstoy... I agree... My friend here asks that you're quiet, Mr Yeti... We are trying to concentrate... May I remind you that this is about him, not you!
SHY: (growing increasingly sarcastically)
I'm terribly sorry... Do go on!
Thank you... Now where was I? I'm a little dizzy - oh, no - that's better - my glasses weren't on straight... (his voice changes to a dreamy tone) Right... Okay.. .Yes! Now, I do believe that I'm beginning to receive a message for you...
You're communing with the dead now too? Now I'm really feeling confused... What are you? Paw-palm reader? Psychic? Mystic? Clairvoyant?
STRANGER: (flustered, sad, trying to remain positive)
Oh... A bit of everything... I like to mix it up...
SHY: (playing along)
Clearly! My friend Fatima can be a bit like that - but she only does people; it's probably simpler...
STRANGER: (trying to shift the conversation on)
Really... How fascinating! But shhh now - but I am trying to focus here, thank you...
Careful who you shhh, Mr... I was taught shhhing by bona-fide librarians...
TOLSTOY: (the stranger doesn't seem to hear, but Tolstoy suddenly pipes up...)
MEOW! MEOW! *PURR*
STRANGER: (trying to sound more stern and mysterious)
Well, exactly... Anyway... Let me see... As I was saying... I have a message here for you... I think it's from your Auntie Pussels - she says MEOW - MEOW - MEW - MEW - HISS!!!
MEW! MEW! PURR! PURRRRRRRRRRRRR!!
STRANGER: (nodding in agreement)
Yes... Yes... I think that probably is the case... I wouldn't think about it too much - just lashing out... It's nothing to do with you - she's just in a cruel mood today...
SHY: (losing patience)
Listen, sir... Can we stop? I'm simply not believing any of what you are saying... I'm really not sure what you're doing here or what you're trying to get out of me... Let me just tell you - it won't work!
STRANGER: (trying to remain positive)
If it's a problem then why don't you leave?
Because you're standing in MY hallway...
STRANGER: (suddenly sounding deflated, but trying to stay upbeat)
Oh yes - so I am... Well, we're done anyway... Thank you, Tolstoy... (Tolstoy is purring contentedly) Look! Look! See how happy I've made him... It does work - I told you I was good...
SHY: (losing patience, trying not to shout)
This is just nonsense! NONSENSE! Will you please explain why you're here or simply just leave... PLEASE!?
Okay, well how awful... I'm really sorry to hear that; but I'm not sure what I can do about it... Shouldn't you go to a hospital or something? I have the name of a good doctor - Doctor Magda... He even gives assistance to fruit and vegetables - that's how forward thinking he is...
STRANGER: (almost too excited)
Why yes... Sure... Here you are...
SHY: (checking the copy closely)
Well, that's definitely me... I wish I could make out what I've written here... Could it be Tommy? Tammy? Tappy? Just a minute... I'm pretty sure that this says... Could it be Toppie!?
That's a funny name...
SHY: (becoming over-enthused)
I think it's your name - at least the name you use online... Toppie! Toppie Smellie! That's why I recognise your voice... Toppie Smellie - the legendary podcaster from The Smellcast and Life On The Shit List... Um... Let me think...Who else do you know that I know? These names should mean something to you! Think now.. What about Brenda? Karmel? Same person... Different names... Long story!
I can't keep up with all this - what am I meant to be thinking about? Nothing's coming back...
SHY: (growing frustrated)
Stay calm... Let these name settle in and maybe you will start remembering... Let me think... More names! Who else? Karmel... Said her already... Err... ThatPeterG... Dr Wes Stone... They're all on the show with you! Come on! Are you getting nothing at all? You do your own show too... The Smellcast... Pickle Hollow! Where do I start with that one?! Oh, my goodness, Toppie! I'm a big fan! You interviewed me for your show not long ago and I sent you my latest page-turner... This one!! It ALL makes sense now!
TOPPIE: (finally allowing himself a grin)
Goodness gracious! Well, that really is, quite literally, a turn-up for the books... Ha! So is this the first time that we've met in person?
SHY: (concerned, confused, baffled)
Yes, indeed! Well, you're usually all the way over there in the States - not here in London... I have family over there - but I don't get to see them very often... It's quite a mystery, isn't it? How on earth did you end up here in London with no memory and just my book for company... It's too coincidental... Somebody has engineered this... I hoped we'd meet one day, but not like this...
TOPPIE: (cross with life)
I know! But believe me - it's a lot worse for me... I need answers! I really need your help, Shy...
SHY: (lowering his voice, curious)
Well, okay... Sure... One thing though... May I ask? This who Cat Psychic business? WHY!?!
I know it's odd, Shy - but I'm just trying to pay my way until I know who I am - until I can go home... It's all been pretty upsetting, I'll have you know...
SHY: (not wishing to sound insulting, but...)
I don't doubt it, for one minute... But... Well... Does Cat Psychic work pay well?
TOPPIE: (visibly nervous)
Not especially - Tolstoy takes a 75% cut for a start... He's the brains behind all this - or maybe the brawn - one or the other - his claws are pretty sharp I can tell you that... When we're on the Underground he digs his claws into my head... It's painful! (whispers) He's quite the bully; little tin-pot Hitler, he is...
SHY: (staring crossly at Tolstoy)
Is that all true! That's outrageous - taking advantage of a poor gentleman who has lost his memory...
TOLSTOY: (rearing up on his hind paws - pushing his ears right back)
MEW! MEW! HISS! HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!
SHY: (standing up to the grumpy cat)
...And we'll have none of that... Thank you!!
TOLSTOY HISSES AGAIN - AND JUST AT THAT MOMENT THE PHONE STARTS TO RING...
(reassuringly) Just stay where you are, Toppie and I'll help in what ever way I can to get you back - even if I have to pay for you to go back myself...
TOPPIE IS STILL IN A BIT OF A FLUSTER, BUT NOW SIGHS AND NODS, RELAXING AS SHY YETI HEADS TO ANSWER THE PHONE, WHICH IS IN THE LOUNGE...
(short-temperedly) Hello!? HELLO! Who is that? This is the Shy Yeti residence... HELLO!?!
THERE IS NO REPLY AND THE CALL BREAKS - SHY PUTS THE PHONE DOWN AND HEADS BACK TO THE HALLWAY AND IS SURPRISED TO SEE NO SIGN OF EITHER TOPPIE OR TOLSTOY, WITH ONLY THE RED TOP HAT LEFT SITTING ALONE ON THE HALL TABLE...
(confused) MR SMELLIE? TOPPIE!?! HELLO!? WHERE DID YOU GET TO? HELLO!?
BUT THERE IS NO REPLY...
TO BE CONTINUED AT A LATER DATE...