Sunday, February 14, 2016

A YETI WAY OF THINKING...

IT'LL FINALLY BE OUT NEXT MONTH !!


Hello beasties!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

I haven't written anything new for you this year - but I do have a piece to share that might well be suitable, but we'll come to that at the end of the post. Anyway... Good news...

Yes, it's true! A YETI WAY OF THINKING will be out in 2016 - and not only this year, but most probably by April, if not sooner... I'm yet to decide on a definite date, but am just at the very final editing stage - just trying to identify any typos that may have escaped the previous edits.


Deeley is certainly looking pleased to hear about the book!! He's on the cover too - because he's a cool cat and also because cats are one of the things that yeti think most about! (Along with cakes and spooky stuff, if the other photos on the cover are anything to go by...)

The final editing of this collection has taken an age - I just didn't seem to be getting anywhere fast - but then I spent a lot of time on the 31st December 2015 and 1st January 2016 finishing all the comments on the poems and stories - to the stage that I was able to send off for a first draft copy. From there I just needed to check that all the page numbering was write - all the spell-checking was mostly done during earlier proofreading sessions and also because the actual poems were written quite a while back now and many of them have been performed one way or another - which is another occasion where typos become evident! I could probably have made the collection available even sooner, had the first season of HOT STUFF!! not been about to be released in January. I was also slightly concerned about the first season of KENSINGTON GORE being ready any time now - but that's not quite done yet - so A YETI WAY OF THINKING will be next in the schedule for 2016 with KENSINGTON GORE - SEASON ONE out more around April/May time. One of the other things I need to do for A YETI WAY OF THINKING is to arrange another poetry show at The Poetry CafĂ© to celebrate the release of this collection; I'm thinking of doing something July-time, if possible. WATCH THIS SPACE!!


Anyway, although I've done this before I will give you a list of all the poems that are in this collection - it may have changed slightly since I last announced this a year or two ago! As usual the book contains information behind the scenes on the writing of the pieces and a section featuring the highlights from this blog covering the years that this collection was written over. Usually I include all the posts but this time it was too long a period and the book would have been top heavy with blog posts; instead I have included Shy Yeti shows, information on writing that I published and trips overseas that I made during this time. Anyway - back to the titles of the pieces from A YETI WAY OF THINKING... Here's the blurb and then what's contained in the book... (once again!) This isn't the cover - but it's a kind submission that one of my Twitter friends sent in. I love it - but had already designed my own version.

A YETI WAY OF THINKING contains over 80 new poems, stories and vignettes by Paul Chandler, a.k.a. Shy Yeti, written between Autumn 2012 and Summer 2014. They include: ARE THEY AWARE I’M A WEREWOLF?, GIN GOBLINS, INFAMY AND CURRANT BUNS, I USED TO BE A TEN, MYSTERY HEN, ONION MAN, PICCADILLY IS A RUBBISH CIRCUS, TWO VAMPIRE HUNTING YETI, YOU’LL DO and many more…

ALL A BIT NUTS...
ALMOST GONE...
AN APE EXCHANGE...
THE ANSWER’S NO...
ARE THEY AWARE I’M A WEREWOLF?
AUGUSTUS THE TRUSTY GUIDANCE PIG...
BADGER...
THE BALLAD OF BURT AND GRIS...
THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE...
BORN WITHOUT A FUNNY BONE...
CEDRIC THE CEREAL KILLER...
CHECK UP, CHECK OUT...
CREATIVELY PROMISCUOUS...
A CULT FOLLOWING...
DO YOU WANT TO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH ME?
THE DREADED LURGY...
EIGHT SUPER LITTLE PILLS...
ENOUGH OF YOUR SAUCE...
THE FLIRT...
FRIDAY THE 13TH (MY FAVOURITE DAY)...
GAME PLAN...
GERIATRIC MERMAID...
GIN GOBLINS...
THE GORGEOUS DEAD...
GRANNY ATE MY AFTER-BIRTH...
HANGING OUT IN GRAVEYARDS WITH MY SWEETHEART...
A HAPPY YETI HOWL...
A HARMLESS PRANK...
HIS CHRISTMAS CARDS...
THE ICE IN MY GLASS...
AN IDEAL WORLD...

AN IDIOT IN LOVE...
IF ONLY...
INFAMY AND CURRANT BUNS...
INFORMATION IS A WONDERFUL THING...
IN MEMORY OF...
IN PLACE OF A HEART...
IT ONLY TAKES A MOUSE TO SNEEZE...
IT’S NOT SAFE TO GO OUTSIDE...
I USED TO BE A TEN...
JUST ONE DAY (BEING YOU)...
KOFFIE HUIS DE HOEK...
THE LOCH NESS HAMSTER...
LOVED FOR WHAT YOU’RE NOT...
MAKE ALL APPLAUSE COUNT...
MAN, MANHANDLED...
THE MORNING AFTER HALLOWEEN...
MY BACON-FLAVOURED BABY...
MY NEW YEAR HANGOVER...
MYSTERY HEN...
THE ONE...
ONE LAST NIGHT...
ON FIRST NAME TERMS WITH LOVE...
ONION MAN...
A PERFECT CASE FOR CHARITY...
PICCADILLY IS A RUBBISH CIRCUS...
POLLEN SEASON...
RUNNING ON EMPTY...
SANDY FROM THE FUTURE...
SASSY MISS SASQUATCH...
THE SAVAGES OF WESTMINSTER...
SCABBY DONKEY...
THE SEX LIVES OF (EVIL) WITCHES...
SHORT-SLEEVED BEE SUIT...
SOMETIMES A HUG IS ENOUGH...
SPACE-CAKES...
A SPIDER IN THE BATH...
THE STUPIDITY OF BIRDS (A FLIGHT OF FANCY)...
SUICIDAL PIGEON...
TALKING WITH ANIMALS...
TEN INCHES...
TINSEL...
TWO VAMPIRE HUNTING YETI...
UNTIL THE COWS ALL COME HOME...
WE’RE ALL STARS TODAY...
WHEN THE SINGER LOST HER SONG...
A YETI WAY OF THINKING...
YOU’RE DEAD TO ME...
YOU CAN’T TRUST A MAN WITH A BEARD...
YOU’LL DO...
YOUR NIGHTMARES...
ZOMBIE SQUIRRELS IN MY GARDEN...
ZOMBIE TAXI-DRIVER...

Twenty-four of these new poems and stories have appeared on the blog between October 2012 and December 2014 - the period that I was putting the collection together - they can be read at the following links:

ARE THEY AWARE I'M A WEREWOLF?
THE MORNING AFTER HALLOWEEN
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2012_10_28_archive.html

HIS CHRISTMAS CARDS
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2012_12_23_archive.html

PICCADILLY IS A RUBBISH CIRCUS
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_04_14_archive.html

A HARMLESS PRANK
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_04_28_archive.html

A CULT FOLLOWING
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_05_05_archive.html

RUNNING ON EMPTY
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_07_07_archive.html

MYSTERY HEN
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_08_11_archive.html

THE BALLAD OF BURT AND GRIS
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_09_01_archive.html

THE DREADED LURGY
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_09_15_archive.html

YOU'LL DO
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_10_20_archive.html

ZOMBIE TAXI-DRIVER
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_10_27_archive.html

TINSEL
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2013_12_22_archive.html

IN MEMORY OF...
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2014_01_19_archive.html

A PERFECT CASE FOR CHARITY
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2014_01_26_archive.html

IN PLACE OF A HEART
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2014_02_09_archive.html

WHEN THE SINGER LOST HER SONG
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2014_02_16_archive.html

THE ANSWER'S NO
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2014_03_09_archive.html

ALMOST GONE
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2014_04_27_archive.html

AN IDEAL WORLD
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2014_05_11_archive.html

THE LOCH NESS HAMSTER
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2014_06_08_archive.html

THE STUPIDITY OF BIRDS
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2014_06_29_archive.html

THE GORGEOUS DEAD
SPACE-CAKES
http://www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.co.uk/2014_10_26_archive.html

I'm going to add another poem to that list - it's the piece that I mentioned was maybe semi-suitable for Valentine's Day... But I'll let you decide that... 

Next time, I'll have a new prose piece for you and will also be announcing the exact publication date of the new collection, which I'm expecting to be probably the middle of March...

More soon - some time in the next couple of weeks, most certainly...

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

P.S. Thanks again to @JohanvanBerkel from Twitter for his version of the cover... Although I had already designed a cover there will definitely be other books of mine that need covers in the future or older titles from the Shy Yeti back-catalogue that need updated, refreshed or improved covers.
 
SOMETIMES A HUG IS ENOUGH


Sometimes the moon will not do...
Sometimes you need something more...
No matter what you request...
No matter, how high the score!
So sometimes you'll settle for half –
Half keeps you going all week...
So compromise if you can –
No matter whom you may seek!
Sometimes life gets you down...
Whenever the world seems too rough –
That's when you'll accept just a smile...
Sometimes a hug is enough...



Sometimes the stars will not do...
Sometimes you need twice as much...
More than a kiss on the lips –
More than an innocent touch...
Sometimes you're caught in-between...
The middle ground seems to make sense...
But splinters will soon cause you grief –
If you choose to remain on the fence!
Sometimes life it gets you glum...
The world stands its ground; acting tough.
That's when you'll accept even a wink...
Yes, sometimes a hug is enough...


Sometimes the sun will not do...
Sometimes you've forgotten your hat...
Feeling dizzy is not an excuse!
No matter where you are - where you're at!
Sometimes you flounder around –
You're likely to stumble and fall...
Lost in limbo; Are you up? Are you down?
You need help - but who do you call?
Sometimes the world gets you sad –
Forget all that inconsequential stuff...
Put your arms around someone tonight...
Believe me… Sometimes a hug is enough...

SOMETIMES A HUG IS ENOUGH appears in the book A YETI WAY OF THINKING, due to be published in Spring 2016. This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler, 2016.

Monday, February 08, 2016

A "NICE" WAY TO SAY GOODBYE...

ONLY THIS TIME WE'RE IN MONTE-CARLO...

Hello beasties!

This week we're all about photos here on the blog - there's certainly a lot less text this week! The photos are a continuation from my Nice trip from late January; but on this occasion mostly from my day-trip to Monaco and Monte-Carlo, which is also where the prose piece at the end is set - there are also a few pictures from our slightly less successful day in Cannes.

First up we have those photos from Monaco... See if you can spot me attempting to promote my latest book - it was the only photo I took with it the whole time I was away. It didn't help that I brought an earlier, incomplete version of with the wrong cover! Oh yeti... You blithering idiot you! 

Following that we have a few photos from Cannes, including a number of the hand-prints of stars who were once applauded there for their talents.

Anyway... Let me set the scene for the prose piece to come!



I hope you enjoyed the photos - before we go I have a short prose piece which is set in Monte-Carlo and was written between the 25th January and the 8th February 2016... It's a little black-humoured, but I'm sure you expect no less from me! Enjoy!

Next time, next week or maybe the week after -  I hope to have more information about my next volume of poems and stories, the long-awaited (by me at least!), A YETI WAY OF THINKING...

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

MONTE-CARLO AFTERNOONS...

Monte-Carlo afternoons -
Bring all manner of surprises...

They say keep your friends close -
But always keep your enemies closer...
It makes sense - don't you agree!?
Especially when you're one of the holidaying well-off...
Everyone wants a piece of you, some literally -
Envisaging your brain in a bell-jar on their mantel-piece, pride of place.
It's not just fans, but also those who know you best who may take that chance!
A small gin and tonic after lunch -
May contain just a spot of sparkling cyanide...
Beware that freshly run bath...
Relax... It won't take long before death kicks in...
A gentle push and you'll soon find yourself nestling beneath the foam...
All over the town things like this are secretly happening...
Meanwhile nearby, on a balcony, thirteen floors up -
A bunched fist collides with the stubbly jaw of an ex-lover...
Inevitable really - when the pressure gets too much - what must be must be...
You can't have the wife finding out what's been going on...
One more punch and your blackmailer will be over the balcony-edge...
It'll leave a mess - but it won't be you getting the hoover out...
After all - only an idiot would let the chance to cover-up pass them by...
Fight for your right to successfully deceive; don't take no for an answer...
Don't fall for just any cheap trick and may the best bitch win!
For every dalliance has an equal and opposite reaction -
There's no such thing as fun without sacrifice;
It's just not always you who need suffer for it...
It was a wiser person than I that once said...
"Back-stabbing is an art in itself - so get those knives sharpened..."
It is a bad killer who blames their tools...
But there is nothing worse than murder with a rusty blade -
A gun left without bullets or a rope too weak to take the weight...
You've only yourself to blame for that!
Still, what have you to lose when the sun is out...
Stay happy and keep plotting is the maxim of the idle rich...
Never share your secrets; for they are your treasures...
Meanwhile, elsewhere - out at sea...
Another corpse falls back into the ocean -
During a busy moment during another hedonistic party...
Gay divorcees and faithless clergy pose seductively on street-corners...
They think they're clever - think they know best...
They're all just showing off - infested with untamed rivalry...
Smart Alec's with nothing better to do with their time...
Up on the hillside above the city young lovers contemplate suicide and smile...
It's better than a life spent snoring by the pool...
Some people have ambitions of immortality; one way or another...

Monte-Carlo afternoons -
Bring all manner of surprises...
 
This post and all contents are Copyright, Paul Chandler 2016.