Thursday, January 30, 2014

ANOTHER NEW STORY FOR 2014...

YETI EXCLUSIVE, "A PERFECT CASE FOR CHARITY..."

Hello beasties!

Just a short post this week, but I do have another new story for you...

Before I move on to the story I have a few titles of poems that I've been working on for the new collection, although goodness knows which ones will be completed in time to go into the book.

Poem titles include:

INCORRIGABLY ENCOURAGABLE
FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH
ALIEN TO ME
EVERYDAY IS A TIME OF YOUR LIFE
LOVED FOR WHAT YOU'RE NOT
GLAM-ROCK VAMPIRE, 1974
TOO TIRED FOR AN AFFAIR
BEACH-COMBER
THE ANSWER'S NO
THE BEST MAN IS NOT ALWAYS THE GROOM
I DON'T KNOW YOU AT ALL
AM I STILL A VEGETARIAN IF I ONLY EAT VEGANS
THE BOY WHO CRIED PWOAR
EGG FRIED MICE
WE'RE NOT GETTING ON (NO MORE)
EVEN ANGELS POO
I WOKE UP SMILING
BAD TORO
SONGS TO MAKE MUM'S DANCE
THE GORGEOUS DEAD
DIFFERENT TYPES OF DINOSAUR
KISSER FISH
OLD HAUNTS
THEY FOUND OUR YETI
THIS VALENTINE'S DAY
THE UNHAPPY HEART
A WALRUS, NOT A VAMPIRE
KNUCKLEHEAD, NUMBSKULL...
GAME PLAN
WHEN THE SINGER LOST HER SONG

...and many, many, more...


Lastly, before we move on to that may I just remind you that my new book, NOT AS SHY AS I WAS, is out and available to purchase. I'll share some more pieces from that in a week or so...

NOT AS SHY AS I WAS contains over 70 new poems, stories and vignettes by Paul Chandler, a.k.a. Shy Yeti, written between January and September 2012. They include: THE BEAST OF FRIENDS, DRUNK ELK, ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, EVIL IVY, MINE OWN MINOTAUR, ONCE I LOST MY HEART TO A CORNISH PASTY, A YETI IN A HAT and many more… NOT AS SHY AS I WAS is 288 pages long and contains photos by Paul Chandler and artwork by Adam M Botsford, Paul Webster and Pete Katsiaounis.

Paperback: www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/not-as-shy-as-i-was/14135195 £9.99

Hardback: www.lulu.com/shop/paul-chandler/not-as-shy-as-i-was/hardcover/product-21317217.html £15.99

Next week I'll be looking at some of the pieces that are already written for the new collection and then looking back at a piece from my new NOT AS SHY AS I WAS collection...

More soon...

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

A PERFECT CASE FOR CHARITY


Kastra and her husband were very well off. They liked people to know it too and lived in a large house in Surrey.

Their motto was not to give away any of their wealth - to keep it, invest it - but most definitely not to give it away to charity.

The young couple on her doorstep now were asking for exactly that. They had only just that minute arrived, wrapped up in their winter wear; thick coats, scarves and gloves. They didn't look like locals. Why did such people choose the coldest day of the year to turn up? Kastra was cross with herself for even opening the door - for letting the heat escape. She should have ignored them, but she'd thought she had heard a noise on the drive; a car engine - but when she'd looked there had been no car.

"Donations for charity, maam..." enquired the gent, holding out a leaflet which Kastra resolutely ignored. "Donations for charity, Madame..." the man insisted.

"It's all for a good cause!" added the lady, but that was all she had to add for now, presumably the details were in the flier that she was being offered.

"No, thank you... We don't donate!" Kastra replied sternly, if she and her husband had actually owned dogs then she would most definitely have set the hounds on this scruffy looking pair. Kastra didn't like the look of them at all, but couldn't quite pin-point why. "I'm sorry..." she added. "We did have a few bits and pieces but we gave them to the local scout group for their autumn fayre only a couple of weeks ago... There's really nothing left!"

"Are you sure?" The two said in unison, they didn't look at all convinced; how dare they?

"Quite sure!" Kastra snapped, trying not to appear as furious as she felt. Who were these two to judge? She watched them peering past her in through the front door - admiring the antiques in the hallway. These items were worth little, but they should see the rest of the house; it was full of valuable things... Not that it was any of their business - not that she planned on showing them the contents of the house.

"We're sorry to have bothered you..." replied the man. "Very sorry indeed..."

The woman, however, said nothing, Kastra noted. How rude not to echo her companion's apology, but she said nothing.

Nothing... The woman *said* not a word, however she did seem to be making a noise...

She appeared to be purring.

It was only now that Kastra peered closer that she realised what it was that had disturbed her when they'd first been introduced. She'd mistaken their clothes as coats and hats and scarves but now she saw them properly for what they were.

Fur. For they were cats. Human cats - and the noise that came from the lady was purring...

Kastra raised her hand to her forehead. She was feeling dizzy. It was as if... The purring noise was really quite hypnotic.

"Donations for charity, maam..." mewed the gent, holding out his paw to steady her.

"It's all for a good cause..." added the feline female, taking a breath from purring to speak.

Kastra nodded. "Errr... Yes... Yes, of course..." she corrected herself. "We have plenty of junk that we probably don't need... When I say junk it's good condition - it's just cluttering up our home..."

"My! How wonderful!" beamed the man. "This is Suki, my name is Tiddles..."

"Delightful!" enthused Kastra, much against her better nature. "Come and take a look inside. Do you need help? I can always get my car out..."

"I'm surrrrrre that won't be necessary...Will it Tiddles?" replied Suki as they stepped indoors.

"No, no... We can manage..." beamed her companion. "There should be plenty of nice things here... Yes, indeed, this will be just purrrrrrrfect... Puuuurrrrrrfect! Really purrrrrrfect!"

Kastra nodded, she felt half asleep, but ever the hostess her natural good breeding kicked in. "Anyone for tea?" she enquired.

Suki was busy examining a stray Gainsborough, but Tiddles heard. "Tea... Of course... That would be splendid... Do run along and see to it, won't you?"

"Excellent..." Kastra nodded and even though deep down she knew things were far from normal she echoed Tiddles' words, muttering them to herself as she hurried off towards the kitchen. "Perfect...Perfect... Really perfect..."

...And she sincerely hoped that they'd soon find something "perfect" for their charity collection...

This post and all content are Copyright Paul Chandler 2014.

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