Friday, March 26, 2010


BECOMING MORE LIKE A CAT...

Hi,

Just a quick post and a new poem - it's a first draft and was only written a day or two ago and will appear in the DEATH OF LOVE collection towards the end of the year. It was inspired by a cat called Nightshade and is about how humans end up becoming more like their cats; the reverse of the old adage that cats become more human from hanging around with us people.

DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS is due to be published in May - I am doing the final proofing at the moment and during April aim to post a number of poems from this collection - as well as releasing a new video containing poems just from this new collection.

I hope you enjoy the new poem.

More soon!

Yeti hugs,

Paul xx

PS The cat in the picture is my now very big puss, Deeley when he was a kitten, with his mother Juanita and siblings.

BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE


I'm becoming more cat-like as time shuffles on…
I'm beginning to wonder quite where I belong…
Yes, the branch of a tree or a spot by the fire…
Seems the sort of snug place for this lad to retire…
As I stretch out my paws and dream sweet dreams of fish –
With my breath tuna fresh; I need food in my dish…
Still, I have to consider the fact now; just that…
I simply don't have nine lives - no, I'm not yet a cat...


I'm becoming more cat-like as time passes by…
When it comes to catnip I have never been shy…
I'm beginning to get me a definite purr!
I've no shame when I lie back to flourish my fur…
I have found me a nice post to get me a scratch…
For the hound who's next door I am hardly a match!
On my red velvet cushion I'm happily sat…
Every day getting rounder and more like a cat!


I'm becoming more cat-like as months turn to years –
I've a twitch in my whiskers; a flea in my ears…
With one eye on my bowl and the swish of my tail…
My attempt to catch mice it is destined to fail!
With the fierce local Tom I got into a ruck –
In the cat flap my head got unfortunately stuck…
Yet I find every day life so decidedly flat…
As each week I grow steadily more like a cat…


I'm becoming more cat-like; I really don't mind…
To exist as a person is simply a bind…
Yes, the dull daily grind is the ultimate bore –
And from now on those ways I will simply ignore!
I will sharpen my claws and most plaintively mew –
I will bid my farewell to the commuter belt queue…
I'll just lie on my back; let you wobble my fat!
Oh, how could I regret time now spent as a cat...

BECOMING MORE CAT-LIKE is Copyright Paul Chandler 2010

Labels: , , , , , , ,

Thursday, March 25, 2010

SHY YETI RETURNS TO THE POETRY CAFE

THE SHY LIFE

POETRY CAFE, COVENT GARDEN, LONDON - SATURDAY 6TH MARCH 2010

THIRD TIME LUCKY was the original title of my third poetry collection back in 2002 and this was my third show at The Poetry Cafe and my first of 2010. With my most recent book being entitled THE SHY LIFE it also allowed me to read poems both past, present and future - including some of the ones that I included in my recent A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI compilation. In my previous shows I have given the audience a copy of the contents page of my latest book and asked them to call out titles - but on this occasion I went slightly beyond this. Considering that the show was called THE SHY LIFE I only read two or three poems from this collection - however I did manage to read something from every one of my poetry books since I began to publish them in 2001. This time I randomly presented my audience with copies of every contents page I have ever done and when I reached that particular book I asked the person with the relevant contents page to call out a title.

I also had my friends Dan and Nick on hand to take plenty of photos and video footage for my youtube and vimeo profile, for my blogs and future books.

In brief, these were the poems read on the evening. There is more detail on the individual poems later in this post.


FIRST HALF

DISCO YETI * @
SO MUCH LOVE - SO LITTLE TIME... @
UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE @
OH, FLORENCE @
HOPELESS ROMANTIC * @
"I'M ALL FOR ANIMAL RIGHTS..." @
HALLOWEEN DON'T PAY THE RENT @
GOD-BOTHERING @
THE OLD QUEEN IS DEAD @
NIGEL THE LONELY STAG
ASK NICELY
THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS *
BEARS AREN'T MEANT TO BE BALLERINAS
MY DOG IN A DRESS

SECOND HALF

GRANNY ETHEL KEEPS THEM DECENT * @
DON'T SNOG BEES @
THE NEXT BIG THING (2010 REMIX) @
BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS @
MOST BIZARRE! * @
EXAGGERATE, ELABORATE, AD-LIB @
MILTON KEYNES FASHION DISASTER *
RED TAPE
YOUR TERMS
HOW I'D LOVE AN EXTRA HEAD
RABBITS DON'T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE
THE DAGENHAM DIVA @ (some)
YOU'RE PERFECT!! * @
I WOULD NOT MAKE A GOOD DRAG QUEEN @
A SWEET TAIL @
CUP CAKE @
IF I WERE A MOO COW *
SEXY EXECUTIVE
WE WERE GOING TO BE WED
A LEARNING EXPERIENCE
I WILL EAT PIES @

* - NICK VIDEOED
@ - DAN VIDEOED

IN MORE DETAIL


FIRST HALF


DISCO YETI * @
From: RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR (2007) and included in the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (2009)

The first poem of the night - and recorded by both Dan and Nick at different angles. So hopefully one I can edit a bit snazzily at a later date. Currently, however, it can be found on both vimeo and youtube as one of three poems that appears in the first complete video from this show. Here are the links: Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opv3CYzCsQU  Vimeo: http://www.vimeo.com/10267684

SO MUCH LOVE - SO LITTLE TIME... @
From: ROLLERCOASTER (2002) - available online from http://www.lulu.com/ as JUNK/FOOD : ROLLERCOASTER and in the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (2009)

This is one of the earliest poems that I read on the night and one that I had intended to read at the MEDICINE MOUTH show, had there been more time. Each poem in that show was a different "type" of love - this would have been slutty love. Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE @
From: SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION (2008) - available on http://www.lulu.com/. Also available in the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (2009)

This poem was last read live during the MEDICINE MOUTH show in February and has its very own video on vimeo that was recorded back in 2008. It was actually written on Valentine's Day when I suspected that a relationship was nearing its end. The theme of this is quite simply just ungrateful love. Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

OH, FLORENCE @
From: THIRD TIME LUCKY (2002) available on http://www.lulu.com/ as THIRD AND 4TH TIME LUCKY or as part of the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (2009)

This is another poem that I read during the MEDICINE MOUTH show - this one represents love of a place or city and is one of my silliest, yet one of my favourites because it takes the mickey out of overly-serious love poetry. Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

HOPELESS ROMANTIC * @
From: POETIQUETTE (2005) available on http://www.lulu.com/ as MUG SHOTS/POETIQUETTE or as part of the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (2009)

Again, this was one of the poems that I was going to read during MEDICINE MOUTH, however I ran out of time. It was going to represent disappointment with love. Hopefully the fact that it wasn't read didn't hurt it's feelings too badly as it appeared in my Valentine's Day ON LOCATION video around the same time. Both Dan and Nick recorded versions of this one on the night.

"I'M ALL FOR ANIMAL RIGHTS..." @
From: THE DEATH OF LOVE (2010 - Currently Unpublished)

One of the newest poems that I read on the night - which was posted on this blog just after it was written only a few weeks ago. To date there are about 20 poems completed for this collection - but DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS has to be published first. Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

HALLOWEEN DON'T PAY THE RENT @
From: JUNK/FOOD (2001) available on http://www.lulu.com/ as JUNK/FOOD / ROLLERCOASTER

This was selected by my friend Aly during the section of the show where I invited members of the audience to pick out a title from the contents page that they had been given at the start of the show. This is a poem from my first collection and is all about how skeletons get by when they are only really required to work on Halloween. It's a piece that I hadn't thought about in ages and I rather enjoyed rediscovering it! :) Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

GOD-BOTHERING @
From: ROLLERCOASTER (2002) - available from http://www.lulu.com/ as JUNK/FOOD - ROLLERCOASTER

This was selected by Glyn from my second book - it's a poem about a god who keeps cold-calling for attention. Don't you just hate it when that happens? This was another poem that had its live debut at this show. Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

THE OLD QUEEN IS DEAD @
From: THIRD TIME LUCKY (2002) - available from http://www.lulu.com/ as THIRD AND 4TH TIME LUCKY

This was selected by Dan who was busily filming the show. It is all about a funeral - although does not concern the sort of the queen who lives in Buckingham Palace. It is another piece that received its live debut at the show. Dan recorded a version of this one on the night.

NIGEL THE LONELY STAG
From: GO 4TH AND DIVIDE - available from http://www.lulu.com/ as THIRD AND 4TH TIME LUCKY

This was a poem picked from my 4th book - the poem of lonely man named Nigel who arranges his own stag-do. Another poem that I have not thought about for a very long time and which made its debut here! I think it was Glyn who picked this one to read. Back in the day this poem was inspired by a character that I used to write about called Nigel Wormsley who was a rather sad and geeky time-traveller who eventually turned up in a number of my series. Nick, who was in the audience, actually played a version of the Nigel character in a series I wrote in the early 00s called THE COPERNICUS FILES.

ASK NICELY
From: DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS (Published May 2010) - also appears in the 2010 compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI Available from http://www.lulu.com/
This one is from my next book and also appeared in my SHY YETI OUT AND ABOUT video earlier in 2010. It was also previewed in my SOUPCON OF SHY YETI collection and I am also holding the poem in the photo on the back cover of this collection.

THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS *
Originally from THE AUTUMNAL E.P. (2003) - available at http://www.lulu.com/ as AUTUMNAL LOVESONGS - also appears in the 2010 compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI

This poem received its first live reading - although I have recorded it previously for one of my CDs. It is one of 3 poems from the night that appears on the first video from the show on youtube and vimeo: SHY YETI LIVE 06/03/10. The youtube link is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opv3CYzCsQU and the vimeo link is: http://www.vimeo.com/10267684 Nick recorded the version of this poem which appears in the video.

BEARS AREN'T MEANT TO BE BALLERINAS
Originally from: CAVEMAN LOGIC (2009) - available on http://www.lulu.com/ Also included in the 2010 compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI

This was one of the many poems completed in 2009 and one of the silliest too - but it's also quite a fun one to read aloud and is basically a list of all the daft things that bears should and shouldn't do.

MY DOG IN A DRESS
Originally from: POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL (2006) - available on http://www.lulu.com/ Also included in the 2009 compilation: SHY YETI RULES O.K.

This has been one of my favourites to read live almost since it was written, back in 2006 and has since had its own Vimeo video and was also recently read during the MEDICINE MOUTH show to represent the love of an owner for its pet. It's one of my bitchier creations and read for a member of the audience whose dog was used in the original photo to illustrate the poem when it was first published.


SECOND HALF

GRANNY ETHEL KEEPS THEM DECENT * @
Originally from: LOVE SONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED (2004) - available on http://www.lulu.com/ as AUTUMNAL LOVESONGS and also included in the 2010 compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI

This was the first time this poem had received a live outing - although I did record it for one of my CDs a few years back. I have recently revived it for the SOUPCON collection and included it alongside two other poems from this show on my SHY YETI LIVE - 06/03/10 video on youtube and vimeo. Here are the links: Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opv3CYzCsQU Vimeo: http://www.vimeo.com/10267684 The footage used in the video was by Nick; but Dan also recorded from another angle.

DON'T SNOG BEES @
Originally from: DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS - also included in the compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI (both 2010) Available from http://www.lulu.com/

A relatively new poem which appears in my next full collection, but which was also previewed in my recent SOUPCON sampler selection. I also recorded it for one of the SHY YETI ON LOCATION videos in early 2010. Dan recorded this particular performance for the archives.

THE NEXT BIG THING (2010 REMIX) @
Originally from: THE AUTUMNAL E.P.(2003) - available on http://www.lulu.com/ as AUTUMNAL LOVESONGS - also included in the 2010 compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI

This is a slightly updated and revived poem from one of my earlier collections - which was all about becoming cool by being as uncool as possible; either that or about living in your own little uncool world where you consider yourself cool. I was able to update some of the references and expand it a little and it seemed to go down well when I read it. This piece was recorded by Dan during this show.

BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS @
Originally from: CAVEMAN LOGIC (2009) - available on http://www.lulu.com/ Also included in the 2010 compilation: A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI

This is one of my favourite poems from the CAVEMAN LOGIC book and one which I decided to include in the SOUPCON collection and perform as a more recent example of my writing. Dan recorded this performance during the show.

MOST BIZARRE! * @
Originally from THE AUTUMNAL E.P. - available as AUTUMNAL LOVESONGS on http://www.lulu.com/

This was chosen by Neph, quite randomly, when I returned to the idea of having members of the audience randomly select titles from the contents pages of my books. THE AUTUMNAL E.P. was my fifth collection and this is a poem about the rather odd goings on at a village fete. To be honest I had rather forgotten about this poem and had written a piece called A FETE WORSE THAN DEATH for my THE SHY LIFE collection which has a very similar theme! Both Dan and Nick recorded this performance for a future video.

EXAGGERATE, ELABORATE, AD-LIB @
Originally from LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED (2004) - available as AUTUMNAL LOVESONGS on http://www.lulu.com/

This was chosen by Kirk and was another poem that I'd not thought much about in years which came from my 6th collection. It is a piece about using white lies to make things sound more important; not that I would ever do that. Of course, Henry the VIII told me I should, but I didn't agree. Dan recorded this poem during the show.

MILTON KEYNES FASHION DISASTER, 1971 *
Originally from: MUGSHOTS (2005) - available as MUGSHOTS / POETIQUETTE on http://www.lulu.com/

This was chosen by my friend Harry and is a poem from my 7th book about fashion disasters. The title is a spoof on the Bee Gee's song New York Mining Disaster, 1941 - although has no other connection. Nick recorded this poem during the show.

RED TAPE
Originally from: POETIQUETTE (2005) - available as MUGSHOTS / POETIQUETTE on http://www.lulu.com/

This was was chosen by Harry, once again and was a piece that I've not read before during a show and is a poem about red tape and excessive administration - something I know a lot about working for the civil service.

YOUR TERMS
Originally from: POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL (2006) - available via http://www.lulu.com/

This was chosen by Calum and is another poem that I've not read live before from the first books that I designed specifically for lulu back in 2006. It's about people who do everything that way that one person wants it - until one day the worm turns...

HOW I'D LOVE AN EXTRA HEAD
Originally from: RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FROM (2007) - available from http://www.lulu.com/

This was another poem called out by Calum and is another pretty weird one which hadn't previously been read at a show. It's a rather daft one about how useful it would be to have an extra head, leg, arm etc and what could be done if you had one!

RABBITS DON'T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE
Originally from: SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION (2008) - also included in the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (2009) - both available from http://www.lulu.com/

This was another poem picked out by the audience (by Aly, I think) and another one where I can't remember who called it - but the poem selected from this collection is one that has had a little more attention over the years.

THE DAGENHAM DIVA @ (some)
Originally from: IF POEMS WERE PIES (2009) - available from http://www.lulu.com/

This was chosen by Kirk as it is where he lives in London - it's about a tough East London lady who hides behind a certain image; too afraid to let herself be seen to be weak or show emotion. Dan recorded some of this performance.

YOU'RE PERFECT!! * @
Originally from: CAVEMAN LOGIC (2009) - available from http://www.lulu.com/

This was selected by another member of the audience and is a piece from one of my most recent books - a love poem to the perfect lover from someone who feels that they are not worthy. Both Nick and Dan recorded footage of this one - I think it was one of them who chose it too, but can't recall now!

I WOULD NOT MAKE A GOOD DRAG QUEEN @
Originally from: THE SHY LIFE (2009) - available from http://www.lulu.com/

A poem from my most recent completed collection; which pretty much does what it says in the title. Again, it was Dan who recorded this one and may have also selected it.

A SWEET TAIL @
From: THE DEATH OF LOVE (Not published until late 2010)

This is the newest piece that I read on the night - as it has only been finished days before. It's the true-ish story of a man who finds that his new flatmate is a mouse and how the mouse helps him through his divorce. It should be in one of my books later this year and Dan managed to record this poem's debut.

CUP CAKE @
From: THE DEATH OF LOVE (Not published until late 2010), but included in A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI

This is one of my newest poems which received its live debut during an open-mike night on Tuesday 16th February 2010. It's a bit of a creepy poem about love for cake!! Dan recorded this one for future use.

IF I WERE A MOO COW *
Originally published in: LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED (2004) but also recently included in A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI (2010) - both available at http://www.lulu.com/

This is one of my older poems about the life of a cow resisting the threat of becoming a burger. I hadn't read this one live before, but had recently revived for my SOUPCON collection. Nick recorded a version of this poem for the archives.

SEXY EXECUTIVE
Originally published in: IF POEMS WERE PIES (2009) but also recently included in A SOUPCON OF SHY YETI (2010) - both available at http://www.lulu.com/

This is the first time I have read this poem during one of my shows - although it has previously missed out on being read at open-mike nights a couple of times previously. A version of the poem was recorded in December 2008, but as yet has not been posted online. It is the story of flirtation during boring meetings...

WE WERE GOING TO BE WED (WHEN WE BOTH HIT 40)
Originally published in: IF POEMS WERE PIES, but also included in the SHY YETI RULES OK compilation (both 2009) - both available from http://www.lulu.com/

This was last read during the MEDICINE MOUTH show in February and is one I have read a number of times at gigs and open-mike nights. It was included here as one of the final three poems of the night - my unofficial encore, if you will - so I hope that it is pleased with itself!!

A LEARNING EXPERIENCE
Originally published in: ROLLERCOASTER (2002) - available on http://www.lulu.com/ as JUNKFOOD - ROLLERCOASTER, but also included in SHY YETI RULES OK (2009)

This is one of my earliest poems and one that many people have told me is a favourite - I have recorded it for one of my recent videos, as well as reading it at open-mike nights and during some of my previous shows. It is basically a slightly bitter love poem written in management speak!

I WILL EAT PIES @
Originally published in: RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR (2007), but also included in SHY YETI RULES OK (2009) - both available at http://www.lulu.com/

This was the last poem of the night and has been included in many of my shows and open-mike nights - often as the last piece that I read. It is a spoof of the song "I Will Survive" - "I Will Survive" meets pies, if you weill! It's last public airing was at an open-mike night in February where I got gonged off for over-running - so it got a chance to shine again here. I have recorded a number of versions of this poem and also included it in one of my cds - however, as yet - none of the video versions have been put online. This will change!! Dan recorded a version from this show to add to the number of videos that exist of this poem in the archives. :)

35 poems were read on the night during the show and were from the following collections - every book had, at least 1 poem read from it and no book had more than three poems aired:

JUNK/FOOD
HALLOWEEN DON'T PAY THE RENT

ROLLERCOASTER
A LEARNING EXPERIENCE, GOD-BOTHERING, SO MUCH LOVE, SO LITTLE TIME

THIRD TIME LUCKY
OH, FLORENCE, THE OLD QUEEN IS DEAD

GO 4TH AND DIVIDE
NIGEL THE LONELY STAG

THE AUTUMNAL E.P.
THE BALLAD OF TINY ELVIS, MOST BIZARRE!, THE NEXT BIG THING

LOVESONGS FOR THE BITTER AND TWISTED
EXAGGERATE, ELABORATE, AD-LIB, GRANNY ETHEL KEEPS THEM DECENT, IF I WERE A MOO COW...

MUGSHOTS
MILTON KEYNES FASHION DISASTER, 1971

POETIQUETTE
HOPELESS ROMANTIC, RED TAPE

POEMS TO MAKE BEARS GROWL
MY DOG IN A DRESS, YOUR TERMS

RHYMES BEARS STEAL PIES FOR
DISCO YETI, HOW I'D LOVE AN EXTRA HEAD, I WILL EAT PIES

SHY YETI'S INCREDIBLE PIE-CRUST COLLECTION
RABBITS DON'T REALLY LIKE LETTUCE, UNGRATEFUL VALENTINE

IF POEMS WERE PIES
THE DAGENHAM DIVA, SEXY EXECUTIVE, WE WERE GOING TO BE WED...,

CAVEMAN LOGIC
BEARS AREN'T MEANT TO BE BALLERINAS, BRAND NEW PULLING PANTS, YOU'RE PERFECT!!

THE SHY LIFE
I WOULD NOT MAKE A GOOD DRAG QUEEN

DO YETI WEAR PYJAMAS
ASK NICELY, DON'T SNOG BEES

THE DEATH OF LOVE / LA MORT D'AMOUR
CUPCAKE, "I'M ALL FOR ANIMAL RIGHTS", A SWEET TAIL

Extra special thanks to Kirk, Nick, Dan, Aly, Calum, Glyn, Harry, Ross and Neph for attending and helping out on the night.

More soon - yeti hugs,

Paul xx

Labels: , , , , ,